Making Crepes
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. France teaches America and England how to make crepes.


"France, is Coke part of the recipe?"

The Frenchman sighed. This was the eighth thing the younger nation tried to add to the recipe. "No, Amérique, Coke is not part of the recette."

"What about Skittles?" The American put the soda away, and held up a bag of candy.

"America, will you please stop asking stupid questions?" the Englishman complained. "France was nice enough to write down the recipe. Could you at least look at it?"

America laughed. "Oh, I already lost that thing."

"How did you lose it? You only had it for about-"

France cut England off. "America, where does this store carry the vegetable oil?"

"I think that's in the back of the store."

The Englishman groaned. The American took them to the back of the store earlier when they were looking for the milk. "That's where the electronics aisle is."

"Well, it's not my fault you guys can't navigate Wal-Mart."

"I do a better job than you," the Briton stated, "and I don't even have a warehouse store, that looks like a oversized parking garage, in my country."

"Dude, don't diss Wally World!"

"Whatever, its very typical for somebody like you to be-"

The Frenchman cut off the Englishman. "Release your sexual tension later. Right now we need to finish finding everything for the recette."

"Sorry, that was sort of childish." The youngest nation gave a nervous laugh, and held up the bag of candy again. "Are Skittles part of the recipe or not part of the recipe?"

England frowned. "Did you even look at the recipe before you lost it?"

"Why would I need to look at it?" the American asked as the Frenchman began walking away with the shopping cart. "Hey, dude, where are ya going?"

France turned around. "I'm going to get the vegetable oil. These signs say that its in aisle six."

"How did we not notice those earlier?" England mumbled as America ran to catch up with France. "That would have saved us some time."

"So, are Skittles part of the recipe or not part of the recipe?" America asked again.

France sighed. "I guess you can ruin your crepe with that stupide candy if you want."

"Cool, I knew these would add awesome flavor!" The youngest nation threw the Skittles into the cart.

"You better not put any of those manky things in mine," the Briton spat once he caught up to them.

The Frenchman put a bottle of Crisco in the shopping cart. It wasn't the brand he wanted, but it would do. "That just leaves sugar and eggs."

"I think that's in the back of the store." The American smiled. "And what's the Crisco for?"

"The vegetable oil is used to keep the crepes from sticking to le poêle."

"Uh, I don't think I have a le po-poêle-thingy at my place."

The Englishman glared. "You don't have a frying pan at your house?"

"Oh, that's what a le po-poêle-something is." The younger nation laughed. "Yeah, I got one of those. But, it hasn't been used in a while."

"That doesn't surprise me," France said under his breath. "Amérique, do you know where your frying pan is?"

America thought for a second. "Its in my of the cabinets or something. I'm not exactly sure where it is."

"Have you ever actually used your frying pan?" England frowned.

"I used to make bacon with it everyday." The American beamed. "But then fast food restaurants started selling breakfast!"

England turned to France. "Maybe we should just buy a new frying pan."

"That's probably a good idea," France said in agreement. "I don't think we will be able to find a pan that hasn't been used in thirty-nine ans."

"Dude, really its okay. Y'all don't need to buy me a new pan." America took out his phone. "I'll just text Tony and tell him to look for it."

"There are three of us. We're going to need more than just one pan."

The youngest nation looked up from his text message. "Fine, we'll get new pans. Tony didn't want to look for the one at home, anyway."

The Frenchman smiled. "I'll get les poêles, Angleterre you find les oeufs, and Amérique you find le sucre."

"Good idea, France, splitting up will get this done much faster."

"What am I in charge of finding?" The American looked confused.

"Le sucre."

"What's that?"

"Its French for sugar, git."

"Oh, okay." America laughed. "I think that's in the back of the store."

"I guess one of us should find the sugar," England stated as America walked away.

"Agreed."

* * *

><p>After asking six employers if a aluminum frying pan was any better than a stainless steal frying pan, asking to speak to three managers because the some of those employers were being smart, dragging America away from playing Call of Duty in the electronics aisle, slipping and falling in a aisle that should have had a wet floor sign, purchasing everything, and dragging America away from the fast food restaurant in Wal-Mart the group finally made it back to America's house.<p>

"America, where do you keep your aprons?" France asked as he pulled open the drawer next to the refrigerator. It was full of takeout menus.

"I'm not sure if I own any of those girly things."

England looked up from the crepe recipe. "How is a apron girly?"

"I don't know." America grinned. "It just is."

"I guess we're going to have to do without wearing les tabliers." The Frenchman closed another drawer that didn't have anything in it. "Why do you have so many empty drawers?"

"I don't really know." The American chuckled. "Nowadays I just use my kitchen for coffee."

"That doesn't surprise me," the Englishman mumbled. "Speaking of hot morning beverages, do you have any tea?"

"That's a little girl's drink."

"Excuse me? Tea is the proper English-"

The youngest nation cut him off. "Dude, chill. I think I might still have some green tea from the last time Japan was over."

"Are you serious?" The Briton sounded disgusted. "Green tea?"

"Yeah bro, do you want me to find it for you?"

England groaned. "Don't waste your time. I'll just drink water."

"So, are you two ready to learn how to make crepes?" The Frenchman asked cheerfully as the Englishman got a water bottle from the refrigerator.

"I really don't care to learn how to make any of your bloody French foods."

"Ditto. I want some hot wings for dinner, anyway."

"You two agreed to learning how to make my fabulous food in writing." France took out the contract the two sighed yesterday. "See! Your name is here, and your name is here!"

England set his water bottle on the counter. "Can we do this tomorrow?"

"Or never. I really want some hot wings."

"You two can't back out of a signed agreement!" France raised his voice. The two most tasteless countries really need to improve their sense of taste.

"Fine, we'll just get this stupid thing over with."

"It isn't stupid, and you two are going to wish that I would have taught you how to make crepes sooner." The Frenchman set the three frying pans on the stove.

"Whatever, I still want hot wings."

"Now both of you stand by your poêle," France commanded.

America looked at the pans on the stove. "Which one is mine?"

"It doesn't matter just pick one." The Englishman moved to stand next to the aluminum pan.

The American picked the stainless steal pan. "Now that you have your pan we will begin."

"I don't wanna."

"The first step in crepe making is to mix flour, a pitch of salt, and butter in a dry clean bowl." France turned to America. "You have a mixing bowl, right?"

"I have cereal bowls."

France sighed. This wasn't surprising. They should have picked up a mixing bowl when they were at Wal-Mart. "That will do."

America took out a cereal bowl from one of the cabinets. "I had Captain Crunch in this a few days ago."

"You cleaned it after you used it right?" England frowned.

"Duh."

"Take out two more of those."

The younger nation took out two more cereal bowls. "Okay."

"Good. Now everybody measure out, and put one cup of flour, a dash of salt, and one tablespoon of butter in your bowl." The recipe was put into the customary system for America's sake.

The American and the Briton did as they were told. "Now what?"

"Mix the ingredients together." The Frenchman frowned. "Amérique, we're going to need some spoons."

The youngest nation opened the silverware drawer. "How many do we need?"

"There's three of us," the Englishman spat.

"Yeah, but how many spoons do we need?"

"Three!"

American handed England and France their spoons. "Now use this spoon to mix these ingredients together."

"Not that fast, git!" The American was getting mixture on the Englishman's sleeve and face. A cereal bowl wasn't the right size for this task.

France laughed. England looked adorable with his face dirty. "Add the eggs and the milk to this mixture, and mix all the ingredients thoroughly."

England cracked an egg into his bowl. "You better not stir this one as hard."

"You got a little something on you face, Angleterre." France laughed. "I would lick it off, but the mixture probably won't taste good."

England rubbed the mixture off his face. "Wanker."

* * *

><p>It took England slapping France across the face, America proving a point by drawing a picture of a sandcastle, France convincing America not to order hot wings, England drinking two more water bottles, France opening a bottle of wine, America laughing at something he read on Wikipedia, England forcing France to sign a no-tickling agreement, and America telling Tony to wait outside for the group to finish the next few steps in the crepe recipe. It really shouldn't have taken that long, but these guys had a hard time staying focused.<p>

"Now, we turn our crepes over to cook the other side." France picked up his spatula. The spatula wasn't the right size for crepe making, but burger spatulas were all America could find in his house.

"Can't we flip it like the dudes do in the movies?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. You'll probably get it on the floor."

America didn't listen to England and flipped it without a spatula anyway. "Dude, look I did it!"

The English man looked amazed. "You just got lucky."

"You try."

England picked up his spatula. "No, I'm going to just use the spatula. You just got lucky anyway."

America flipped his crepe without a spatula again. "Ha, dude I did it again!"

"How?"

"America, you need to cook the other side," France said.

The younger nation flipped his crepe back to the other side. "Three in a row! I got skills! "

"You don't have skills, and I doubt flipping a crepe like that is really that hard." The Englishman tried to flip his crepe without a spatula.

The Frenchman laughed. "Angleterre, the crepe isn't supposed to be on le plancher."

"Five second rule!" The American went to the floor to try to pick it up. "Never mind that thing is goopy and burning. It's staying on the floor."

"Rats." England laughed. "I guess that means that I can't finish making my crepe."

"You can finish making mine," France offered. "You're lesson isn't complete and you really need to learn how to cook something decent."

"I know how to cook decently." England took the frying pan from France.

The Frenchman moved the Englishman's pan to the sink. "After this leçon you will."

"Git."

"We have les bleuets, les fraises, framboises," France sighed, "and Skittles. Pick one or two to be the filling of your crepe."

The youngest nation grabbed the bag of candy. "I call the Skittles!"

"Are you going to use that whole bag?" The Briton raised an eyebrow. "That's going taste awful."

"Oh, did you want some?" The American opened the bag of candy.

"No."

America plopped a handful of Skittles into his mouth. "More for me."

"Whatever." England turned to France. "I'll take the blueberries."

France handed England the blueberries. "Put the filling in the middle of the crepe, and carefully fold the sides over it to be a triangle shape."

America put a handful of Skittles on his crepe. "Like a paper football?"

France didn't know what a paper football was. "Just fold the sides to be over the filling."

England and America did as France said. "Like this?"

"Close enough." America's looked like some sort of deformed alien brain, and England's looked like erupted volcano. "America, do you have plates to serve these on?"

"I think there're in the same cabinet as the bowls."

* * *

><p>It took thirty minutes, two arguments, one face slap, half a bag of Skittles, three bottles of water, two conversations with Siri, and one fire extinguisher for the group to finally take their crepes to the dinning room to eat.<p>

"Félicitations!" France exclaimed. "You two finally learned how to make something tasteful."

England took a bite of his blueberry crepe. "Whatever, I already knew how to cook."

"Dude, I want this for breakfast everyday!" America cheered as he put another large amount of whip cream over his crepes.

"How can you taste it with all that whip cream?" The Englishman looked disgusted.

"I'm glad you guys enjoy it." The Frenchman smiled. "Tomorrow I'll teach you guys how to make Camembert."

"What?"

France laughed. "Or I could teach you two how to be a better lover."

France handed England the agreement he and America sighed yesterday. "I pick the Camembert."

"My plate is clean." America stood up. "I'm going to go get some hot wings. Anybody one to come with?"

"I'm just going to stay here and finish my crepe."

"Well, your lost. Bye!" The American left the Frenchman and Englishman in the dinning room.

"He's going to be fat one day." The Briton stuck his fork into his crepe.

"May, I try it?" France didn't wait for an answer he just put his mouth on England's fork.

The British man dropped his fork. "That's very uncivilized!"

"You did well, Anglettere." France grinned. "I'm a good teacher. I bet I could teach you how to great lover."

"In your dreams." England picked back up his fork and took another bite of his crepe.

"It is in my dreams." The Frenchman laughed. "You know that I put my mouth on that fork you just put in your mouth."

The English dropped his fork disgusted. "Git, I'm going to have to wash my mouth out now!"

"Bring back a bottle of wine!" France called as England ran off to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>It took three bottles of mouth waste, two tubes of toothpaste, three toothbrushes, six breath mints, and thirty minutes of spitting for England to feel that his mouth was clean.<p>

"Oh, you're back." France looked up from clearing off the dining room table. "America isn't back, yet."

"That's not too unexpected." England held up a bottle. "I found a bottle of wine."

The Frenchman took the bottle of wine from the Englishman. "Are you going to share it with me?"

"Sure, I don't really have anything better to do."

By the time America got back from eating hot wings, England had signed two more agreements. He'll probably regret those signatures tomorrow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**As ya can tell, I wasn't sure how to end this. Feel free to point out any grammar mistakes. **

**And here's the only piece of History in the entire story: The Egg McMuffin was introduced in 1973. That's 39 years ago. **

**French Translations **

**Amérique – America **

**Recette – recipe **

**Angleterre – England **

**Stupide – stupid **

**Le poêle – the pan **

**Ans – years **

**les poêles – the pans **

**le sucre – the sugar**

**les tabliers – the aprons **

**le plancher – the floor**

**leçon – lesson**

**les bleuets – blueberries**

**les fraises –strawberries**

**framboises – raspberries**

**Félicitations – Congratulations **


End file.
